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So, watched “The Island” tonight with Guy, Nosh and Chef… Gonna give the film a good reviewing, so don’t read ahead if you don’t want to know. (If we’re honest.. I’d advise reading ahead and saving yourself some time)

The film starts with a pretty generic “Utopian Life” scene thats a good few years in the future. You know the sort, people living how they are told, questions aren’t approved of etc etc.. But then suddenly, one starts to question… The System. He happens to have a friend on the “outside”, and breaks himself out. After he leaves the hologram (that’s right! they live in a fucking holographic world) he discovers all kinds of things, like how they are all clones paid for by their “real versions” for the purpose life insurance. Naturally he can’t just break out, has to save his little girl friend first. After this terribly Matrix-esque episode, we’re back to a more generic setup

A good chase! Think Enemy of the State meets Heat. They get nicked for using the Credit Card his mate gave them, then the people employed to find the “products” (clones) and kill/return them. After a series of unimportant boring events, like the dude going to his “sponsors” (owners) house, and telling him the score. He, obviously, doesn’t approve of his life insurance running around the streets, so calls in to enquire. This (obviously!) turns the inevitable “But I’m Tom Lincoln” situation, until the Sponsor gets shot. Didn’t see that one coming.

More chase scenes, but this time, it’s on those really rapid hover-bikes that the Scouts on Endor have in Star Wars Episode VI but through some kind of very very futuristic LA. They survive, naturally. More generic boring action, until the most insainly fucking stupid stunt I have ever seen… They are very very very fucking high on the side of a skyscraper, sitting on the logo and it falls off… If falls off, takes out a helicopter.. And they fucking survive, but it’s ok cos some fat black guy goes “woah, that was mad.. Jesus likes you” - oh well, that makes it ok then!

So, now we have to return to the holo-world, and disable the matrix.. Naturally! His bitch gets caught while he’s out being The One, but that’s ok cos they let her walk in, AND lay her down on the operating table (for organ harvesting) with a firearm. But he is in the building also, because “his insurance” got shot and he’s getting a new one sorted… so it’s not long before they are inevitable reunited…

Lots of boring action later, and our hero has managed to disable the turbine powered holo-world generator (eat your heart out google!), and all the “products” get to see sunlight for the first time, and just walk outside.. Hmm, I see another problem.. The first half of the film is him climbing from the underground place they keep all the clones. So how sunlight was in there, I don’t know, also… How they got out so quick.. Hmm, have to look into that

Cue the Happy music, spinning cameras and first kiss for our clever little clones.. Everyone is happy and the big-bad-corporation is dead. Unexpected ending!

IMDB Rating: 6.9/10

My Rating: Don’t Bother